Tag: ashleyblackguru

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When Change is Hard- Part II

Today was a hard day.  It was hard at work, then I got to my hotel room in a new city (today was Aspen to New Orleans) and I had zero desire to do week 2, day 4 of my weight lifting program.  

Let’s start at the beginning.  I am flying with a Jet Linx pilot who knows everything.  I say that in the I-wish-I-was-as-cool-as-him sort of way. He is super knowledgeable on the Hawker (the jet I fly) he knows Aspen, it’s quirks and methods…he knows so much.  We work well as a team and I am learning a ton from him.  BUT, throughout the day he asked me two questions that I flat out did not know the answer to.

Despite the ego and pride challenges of my day, it still was gorgeous above the Rocky Mountains.

I am a safe, competent and capable pilot.  I know my jet.  But I do not know it anywhere close to as good as he does and today, I felt like an idiot.  There is a point when you are are newer jet pilot (1 year in) and flying with a 20-year pilot who has loads of valuable experience and the moment comes when you realize just how rookie you really are. Today was that day and I know exactly what chapter I am about to read in a manual as soon as I am finished writing to you.

Fast forward.  We land in New Orleans, put on the engine covers, pitot covers, static plugs, gear pins and tuck her in for the night. 

I don’t fly in a hat but throw one on sometimes after the owner heads out. Besides, hats are great. Anyway, I digress, this is the beasty tucked in for the night. She is a good bird.

Take a Lyft to our crew hotel at about 3 PM. In the back of my mind I know I have a workout to get in but I am really hungry. I have not eaten since 8 AM one time zone ago so I go to the hotel restaurant, sit at the bar and order a salad.  After painstakingly researching with four staff members the ingredients to ensure it was indeed a gluten free house-made dressing, it comes with way too much dressing.  I was a server in college and I did not have the heart to send it back especially after the rigamarole of the whole restaurant researching ingredients for me.  Anyway, I am eating this drenched Caesar knowing it is loaded with egg and dairy and tons of calories from that dressing thinking “Is it even worth working out after this? Ugh.” I eat most of it knowing I needed food then head up to my room.  I walk in and the room is nice but it is freezing cold.  I am moody, annoyed, frustrated, feeling less-than and the last thing I want to do is, first, change my clothes in this tundra and second put on the same workout clothes as yesterday and go workout.

This is where the self-pity and procrastination sets in.  I crank up the fan switching the thermostat from air conditioning to heat. Try to get a hold of my family, again (where the heck are they? It is a Saturday for goodness sake!!!) and I flop onto my hotel bed thinking, “How am I EVER going to be as good a pilot as him?  What is the point in working out? It won’t make a difference, especially after that salad.”

So, I crawl under the blankets and surf FaceBook, browse E-mails (I really need to clear those out), watched an absolutely unimportant YouTube video, and then my Mom calls.  We talk for 15 minutes, she told me about her day visiting our family and friends in California, I tell her about mine.  I feel better talking to her, realizing this day really is just another day with the opportunity to press through a little adversity.  The key is to change my clothes and get on my work out shoes.

I am not going to lie. It was a solid hour from changing into gym clothes and actually getting my shoes on and leaving my hotel room. The key is that I did put on my shoes and leave the room. This picture was the beginning of that hour.

I head to the gym and realize I forgot my AirPods. “Seriously Aura! What is UP girl?” Great self-talk, right? Yeah, not so much but totally in alignment with how I feel this day is stacking up thus far. Luckily for me, not the rest of the hotel’s occupants, I am the only person in the gym and decide I can simply blast the volume on my computer and it would not bug anyone.  The lighting in this place is chic, overhead, recessed.  Any woman who has ever been in a fitting room with overhead lighting knows exactly where I am going with this.  Every wrinkle, flaw, cellulite and chublet (I think I just coined a new word, Webster’s, pay attention- it means “area of a body with a small amount of fat that may or may not actually be there depending on the person looking in the mirror”) was out there for me to stare at while lifting weights for 45 minutes.

This was hard.  The day leading to this was hard. Looking in the mirror while holding form and doing hard things, was hard.  But you know what, I did it.  And there was a moment when my hair was disheveled, my face was red, sweat was dripping and all those areas I talked about before were still there that I realized; I am not going to be here forever.  I mean, I could be. I could choose to eat un-well, never exercise, drink alcohol, lessen my mental health, alienate people who care about me, not open that digital 400-page pilot manual tonight to step into the knowledge this other pilot was giving me a glimpse of today.  I could choose that, but I am not going to.  Just the fact that I am writing this to you shows us all that ship has sailed.  I want more and so do you.  I will not be the same person tomorrow that I am today because I lived today and chose to overcome it.  In fact, I am already far enough through it to know that just living it made me a stronger human, pilot, and person.  

I was SO tempted to restyle my hair before I took this picture. But I don’t want to hide the truth. Working out makes me look like hell, but it is awesome. So why slick it back and act like I sweat Chanel No. 5 when really I am the same as you; I sweat, sweat. This is my arm with a little saggy skin and some unhealthy fascia. It is going to change. Fascia will smooth and tighten some with FasciaBlasting and it will fill out with muscle as well as downsize as all my choices come together over time.

I will not be here forever.  So what if I choose to enjoy where I am today?  Then do the same for tomorrow’s today?  I mean, looking in the mirror working out and seeing things about my body that I don’t love and instead of having severe dislike, choose to say “would you take a look at that? My body has done great things for me and tomorrow it will be different. Thank you body. I am going to continue to make good choices so you and I can live in better harmony.  I’ve been a bad friend, but I am changing that.  By the way, you’re gorgeous today and you will be forever more, so keep working it!”

Guess what? I already am making progress. Some of the movements last week, are already better and easier this week.  I still cannot do everything well or perfectly, but I am keeping good form and doing my best. My best.  It is all I can do. All the diets and fads and “instant body change” that I have tried since I was a teenager and usually temporary succeeded, never did for me what I want; permanent lifestyle improvement for long-term health. This is going to take a long time guys. I did not become a pilot or unhealthy overnight, I certainly am not going to become as knowledgeable as my colleague or healthy overnight either. But I can take action every day to make small differences. I am getting excited just thinking about this with you! Instead of wanting to quit because in some my workout routine, I suck; that gives me more room for improvement.  It will be cool, to have improvement.  Even as a pilot.  I will look back in a year and be amazed the progress I made since this tough day. It would not be as exciting for me if I did not have the journey, or the adversity.

So this is my plan.  I am studying. I am working out. I am working on meal planning and portion control or when I am traveling, making good restaurant choices. I am FasciaBlasting to heal my poor fascia (disruptions in fascia is what makes visible cellulite. Check out AshleyBlackGuru.com for more info on that.) I am keeping my family and people who love me, close, so I can continue to do hard things and help them do hard things.  How about I take you along for the journey?

Oh yeah. Let’s do this.
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When Change is Hard-Part I

Body image is a tricky topic.  Many things in life are tangible.  I look at them, I can see them, touch them, therefore they are real.  My opinion of the object may be good or bad depending on from whom it came and the memory associated with it. But my body, my body is real.  I can see it and touch it.  It experiences joy and pain, it is real.  Yet my opinion of it is dynamic, always moving, morphing and shifting. The poor thing, my body that is, endures an emotional roller coaster, all because of me and my choices.

Mental health plays a huge role in body image for me.  If I am sad, mourning my Dad or unhappy for any reason, I usually have a negative self image.  I started making some dietary changes and a shift in health habits that have not been perfect but gradually and naturally helped me lose 10 pounds over the past 10 months. It was the first time in my life I have lost weight authentically and without effort.  I have found that body image, shape and composition changes with age.  My face has many more wrinkles .  The texture of the skin on my face is not as young as it once was.  My hair is turning grey rather quickly now.

As I age, skin sags more, joints ache and I discover why supplementation is so important.  Cellulite has also become a reason you probably don’t see me in shorts.  Thanks to Ashley Black and her FasciaBlaster tools, I am taking action to remedy that and experience more health as a result.  What I struggle with though is consistency and getting started, in anything. I have found that I am an all or nothing type of gal.  Moderation, while being something I recommend, has definitely not been a strength of mine. 

I enjoy lifting weights.  I started lifting weights for the first time using a trainer after healing from a broken back in 2016 (Jo Radlinger at Jo’s Fitness Garage in Mankato. I highly recommend her!)  It was exceptionally hard.  I was weak, had very little stamina, and struggled with much of the routines. Having been broken, I realized what I wanted after nearly kissing death, was vitality and strength. So I trained with Jo for 30 minutes, twice per week and watched my body transform.  I stopped when my flying schedule became unpredictable years ago. 

Now, here I am flirting with 40, overweight and knowing that not only is my body image perspective unhealthy, but so is my body.  I am not unhealthy in the way that I live on fast food, but my body has been begging for attention and I have been ignoring it.  I am working on consistency with taking the supplements my body needs to be happy, healthy and strong.  I am working on consistency exercising. 

This was my first time ever working out while traveling for work. It was week 1, day 3 of my program last week. I was and am proud. One choice at a time. One day at a time.

I hate to share this out loud because it makes you all aware that is an aspiration for me and if you continue to see me overweight, you will know that I am over consuming food and not exercising. But that is the point.  I know I am not the only person who feels this way and I promised to be vulnerable with you. As an excerpt here, all of our bodies are in different phases, ages, shapes and sizes.  I am beautiful just the way I am. So are you. I am only saying that I am not healthy and I want to be.  With health will also come a different size.  They come hand-in-hand and I am OK with that.  What I would love is to make the appropriate lifestyle changes that I would release 20 more pounds from my body, not taking into account the weight of the muscle I am gaining, eat well, meal plan better and be consistent. 

I have a lot of dietary limitations.  First, I have Celiac Disease.  If I eat gluten, or food that has come in contact with gluten, I feel badly and it slowly flattens the villi in my small intestine leading to malabsorption of nutrients from food.  If I, or my daughter are not careful about avoiding gluten, arthritis, osteoporosis, bone loss, tons of other unenjoyable symptoms and early death are what we can look forward to.  Celiac Disease is responsible for much of the inexplicable health problems people have gotten used to but can’t identify.  It is wildly under diagnosed.  Anyway, I can’t eat bread, wheat or gluten of any kind.  One of the delights that usually accompany Celiac Disease is lactose intolerance, so yep, dairy makes me feel awful and bloated. Over the last six months I have also mostly cut out meat (the scary word you are thinking is vegan).  If you are curious about my choices on this one, I highly recommend watching the documentary called The Game Changers.  You can find where to stream it at www.gamechangersmovie.com.  It is such a good movie and easy to watch.

Now if meat-free, dairy-free and gluten-free weren’t enough, I also decided to let go of caffeine and alcohol.  Caffeine was because it was running my body and I did not like how little control I had of my energy. I cut that out about a year and a half ago and despite that I only drank one cup of coffee a day on average, the detox was horrible. The first week I could do almost nothing and the lingering effects lasted three weeks. Thank goodness I was not flying that week. Alcohol though was a more recent choice, around April 2022, that stemmed from mental health.

I spend a lot of time alone when I am traveling for work. But I still don’t drink, all to support my mental health. This was the other night in Glenwood Springs, Colorado, I am walking to go eat dinner.

Let’s talk about mental health for a minute, or five.  I did not realize it until well into my 30’s, but my mental health can fluctuate and is something for me to keep tabs on. It has been this way since I was a child and fed into body image dysmorphia and how I viewed myself.  I am a very high functioning human being.  My mom says, and I just love this because of it’s truth, “Aura, high performance equals high maintenence.” She does not mean that I am a high maintenence friend, in fact, I am the opposite.  She means that if I am going to be going out doing what I do in the world, I better be taking my supplements to support my body, exercising to support my overall health, seeing my therapist to stay straight with my mental health, eating well, loving on people and allowing my faith to guide me.  

This particular day a couple of weeks ago, I was clearing out my foyer closet and giving most of it away. I had been sad for a couple of hours, missing my Dad. Sitting on the floor of my living room sifting through items, I saw a Christmas bag that reminded me of him. I started crying. This little guy, Taco, came behind me, placed his paws on my back and refused to let me think I was alone. Sometimes it is unsuspecting support that gets us through a tough moment.

So, my thought around alcohol was, depressed people drink a lot and people who drink lose control of their desires to eat well, be their best self etc. I wondered if cutting out alcohol would regulate how much I got sad about losing my Dad.  I wondered if I didn’t drink at all, if I would level the ups and downs of my mental health journey and experience more consistency with my moods.  The answer is, yes.  All of it.  I am content and happy, more consistently, more often.  I have more control over all of my decisions.  I used to drink one beverage maybe once per week.  Then during COVID, Chris and I accidentally turned one beverage per evening into a habit.  

The firsts were hard.  First night not grabbing a Truly. First party when everyone was drinking but me. First time on a layover after a hard day, not having a glass of wine at dinner. But eventually there were no more firsts and I started feeling the difference both physically and mentally. The sober-curious movement is real.  I think any reason to be sober is a good reason.  I used to need a drink to loosen up and become more social.  Now, I consciously become more present in conversations so I can loosen up without the drink. Besides, mocktails are delicious.

Change is hard. I am as guilty as the next person why I did not reach for health sooner or again.  But I want it now.  My Dad died young because he didn’t have it and on his death bed I know for a fact he did not want to leave us but the state of his health gave him no choice.

You know what is really hard now that I am taking steps to become healthier? The doing.  I am following a 5-day per week weight lifting program.  I can take my computer into any gym whether it is my home gym or on the road while I am working, and I can lift weights and elevate my heart rate.  As of today, I am on week 2, day 2.  What is hard is the fact that sometimes I am not able to do every activity as well as I would like, or I need to modify it because I am not strong enough yet. Yet.  Normally that would make me want to quit. Actually it does make me want to quit.  But I am not going to and neither should you.  Because what you and I have to accomplish in this beautiful life, it matters.  I have lives to change, people to help and love, things to do that matter.  They may be small, but they matter.

Yes, change is hard. But high performance people are high maintenence.  So I am going to keep on keeping on.  I invite you to join me.  We can do hard things together.

This was today, week 2, day 2. One day at a time. That is all I am asking of myself.