When Change is Hard- Part II

Today was a hard day.  It was hard at work, then I got to my hotel room in a new city (today was Aspen to New Orleans) and I had zero desire to do week 2, day 4 of my weight lifting program.  

Let’s start at the beginning.  I am flying with a Jet Linx pilot who knows everything.  I say that in the I-wish-I-was-as-cool-as-him sort of way. He is super knowledgeable on the Hawker (the jet I fly) he knows Aspen, it’s quirks and methods…he knows so much.  We work well as a team and I am learning a ton from him.  BUT, throughout the day he asked me two questions that I flat out did not know the answer to.

I am a safe, competent and capable pilot.  I know my jet.  But I do not know it anywhere close to as good as he does and today, I felt like an idiot.  There is a point when you are are newer jet pilot (1 year in) and flying with a 20-year pilot who has loads of valuable experience and the moment comes when you realize just how rookie you really are. Today was that day and I know exactly what chapter I am about to read in a manual as soon as I am finished writing to you.

Fast forward.  We land in New Orleans, put on the engine covers, pitot covers, static plugs, gear pins and tuck her in for the night. 

Take a Lyft to our crew hotel at about 3 PM. In the back of my mind I know I have a workout to get in but I am really hungry. I have not eaten since 8 AM one time zone ago so I go to the hotel restaurant, sit at the bar and order a salad.  After painstakingly researching with four staff members the ingredients to ensure it was indeed a gluten free house-made dressing, it comes with way too much dressing.  I was a server in college and I did not have the heart to send it back especially after the rigamarole of the whole restaurant researching ingredients for me.  Anyway, I am eating this drenched Caesar knowing it is loaded with egg and dairy and tons of calories from that dressing thinking “Is it even worth working out after this? Ugh.” I eat most of it knowing I needed food then head up to my room.  I walk in and the room is nice but it is freezing cold.  I am moody, annoyed, frustrated, feeling less-than and the last thing I want to do is, first, change my clothes in this tundra and second put on the same workout clothes as yesterday and go workout.

This is where the self-pity and procrastination sets in.  I crank up the fan switching the thermostat from air conditioning to heat. Try to get a hold of my family, again (where the heck are they? It is a Saturday for goodness sake!!!) and I flop onto my hotel bed thinking, “How am I EVER going to be as good a pilot as him?  What is the point in working out? It won’t make a difference, especially after that salad.”

So, I crawl under the blankets and surf FaceBook, browse E-mails (I really need to clear those out), watched an absolutely unimportant YouTube video, and then my Mom calls.  We talk for 15 minutes, she told me about her day visiting our family and friends in California, I tell her about mine.  I feel better talking to her, realizing this day really is just another day with the opportunity to press through a little adversity.  The key is to change my clothes and get on my work out shoes.

I head to the gym and realize I forgot my AirPods. “Seriously Aura! What is UP girl?” Great self-talk, right? Yeah, not so much but totally in alignment with how I feel this day is stacking up thus far. Luckily for me, not the rest of the hotel’s occupants, I am the only person in the gym and decide I can simply blast the volume on my computer and it would not bug anyone.  The lighting in this place is chic, overhead, recessed.  Any woman who has ever been in a fitting room with overhead lighting knows exactly where I am going with this.  Every wrinkle, flaw, cellulite and chublet (I think I just coined a new word, Webster’s, pay attention- it means “area of a body with a small amount of fat that may or may not actually be there depending on the person looking in the mirror”) was out there for me to stare at while lifting weights for 45 minutes.

This was hard.  The day leading to this was hard. Looking in the mirror while holding form and doing hard things, was hard.  But you know what, I did it.  And there was a moment when my hair was disheveled, my face was red, sweat was dripping and all those areas I talked about before were still there that I realized; I am not going to be here forever.  I mean, I could be. I could choose to eat un-well, never exercise, drink alcohol, lessen my mental health, alienate people who care about me, not open that digital 400-page pilot manual tonight to step into the knowledge this other pilot was giving me a glimpse of today.  I could choose that, but I am not going to.  Just the fact that I am writing this to you shows us all that ship has sailed.  I want more and so do you.  I will not be the same person tomorrow that I am today because I lived today and chose to overcome it.  In fact, I am already far enough through it to know that just living it made me a stronger human, pilot, and person.  

I will not be here forever.  So what if I choose to enjoy where I am today?  Then do the same for tomorrow’s today?  I mean, looking in the mirror working out and seeing things about my body that I don’t love and instead of having severe dislike, choose to say “would you take a look at that? My body has done great things for me and tomorrow it will be different. Thank you body. I am going to continue to make good choices so you and I can live in better harmony.  I’ve been a bad friend, but I am changing that.  By the way, you’re gorgeous today and you will be forever more, so keep working it!”

Guess what? I already am making progress. Some of the movements last week, are already better and easier this week.  I still cannot do everything well or perfectly, but I am keeping good form and doing my best. My best.  It is all I can do. All the diets and fads and “instant body change” that I have tried since I was a teenager and usually temporary succeeded, never did for me what I want; permanent lifestyle improvement for long-term health. This is going to take a long time guys. I did not become a pilot or unhealthy overnight, I certainly am not going to become as knowledgeable as my colleague or healthy overnight either. But I can take action every day to make small differences. I am getting excited just thinking about this with you! Instead of wanting to quit because in some my workout routine, I suck; that gives me more room for improvement.  It will be cool, to have improvement.  Even as a pilot.  I will look back in a year and be amazed the progress I made since this tough day. It would not be as exciting for me if I did not have the journey, or the adversity.

So this is my plan.  I am studying. I am working out. I am working on meal planning and portion control or when I am traveling, making good restaurant choices. I am FasciaBlasting to heal my poor fascia (disruptions in fascia is what makes visible cellulite. Check out AshleyBlackGuru.com for more info on that.) I am keeping my family and people who love me, close, so I can continue to do hard things and help them do hard things.  How about I take you along for the journey?